Natalie and I disagree about music. Her music is good. My music sucks. In her defense, I stopped listening to music circa 1993. I turned on MTV and realized everybody on that network was younger than me and acting like idiots. I officially became “old” and much like zombies and vampirism, I didn’t fight it, it only makes things worse. I just leaned in and took it like a man.
And for my younger readers, MTV stands for Music (not Miscellaneous) Television and they used to play short films set to songs. These were called videos. This was before the twelve hour Date My Mom marathons and Flavor Of Love… oh yeah, Flavor Flav was once in a band.
On occasion Natalie will try to explain things to me like who John Mayer is and I have to quickly correct her that I know exactly who he is. Of course this is because he was on an episode of Chappelle’s Show… not because I can name any of his songs. Likewise, in the car, one of us will be driving while the other is performing their wingman duties which are 1) looking out for cops, 2) distributing sandwiches, drinks and other food items and most importantly 3) acting as DJ. There used to be a four which was reading maps but my Garmin Knight Industries Two Thousand does that more accurately than Natalie ever could.
Another American job replaced by a robot.
The DJ duties are carried out by my Microsoft Zune opposed to Natalie’s iPod not because I like my stuff better but because I bought her the sleek 8gb iPod Nano and I bought myself the 30gb Zune Cinder Block giving us more options. It’s the difference between a Miata and a Humvee. I hear Microsoft uses the returned defective Zunes to fix the levees in New Orleans.
She’ll scroll through the titles complaining she doesn’t know any of the artists and I insist she does.
NATALIE: Who are The Cars?
JIM: You know The Cars.
NATALIE: No I don’t.
JIM: Yes you do. They’re good. Put The Cars on. Track one.
RIK OCASEK (LEAD SINGER FROM THE CARS): I don’t mind you coming here… and wasting all my time.
NATALIE: I don’t know this.
RIK OCASEK (LEAD SINGER FROM THE CARS): But when you’re standing oh so near… I kinda lose my mind.
NATALIE: Can I find something else?
Chorus starts.
RIK OCASEK (LEAD SINGER FROM THE CARS): You know you’re just what I needed!
A light shines in Natalie’s head.
NATALIE: I KNOW THIS! This is the Circuit City song! (Singing) I needed someone like me!
The line is actually, “I needed someone to feed,” and don’t ask me what that means either… I just buy the stuff. Natalie will also mishear lyrics all the time and will argue hers are better since she fancies herself a more accomplished lyricist than Bernie Taupin or Diane Warren.
NATALIE: (Singing) Sherry don’t like it… rockin’ the cash bar… rockin’ the cash bar.
Somewhere all the members of The Clash wince in unison.
Much of our relationship moves in these circles. Modern English’s “I’ll Melt With You” has become synonymous with fast food commercials. Cheap Trick’s “I Want You To Want Me” is that song from the end of Ten Things I Hate About You.
Conversely, I am the one watching TV wondering why Beyonce has a charm that says “Upgrade” in her mouth and Natalie will point out, that’s a song.
JIM: “Upgrade” is a song? We’ll that’s just stupid. She might as well write a song about watching videos on her cell phone.
But it’s Beyonce so she could be singing how to conjugate verbs and I wouldn’t care as long as she bounced when she did it.
So we made our wedding playlist. I vetoed none of hers. Driving back from Orlando most of what I wanted never made it past the vetting stages. It was considered dinner music that nobody could dance to. That’s fine. I really didn’t care. It is her day.
If you were wondering, my day is every day afterwards for the rest of my life.
I get to pick the song we walk into the reception to (and no it will not be the Imperial March from Star Wars… the sheer fact any of you thought of it is reason enough for me not to do it). I originally wanted Isaac Hayes’ “Theme From Shaft” but she put a bullet in that idea saying something about how she didn’t want the words, “…who’s a sex machine with all the chics?” said at her wedding.
Sorry baby, whether Isaac Hayes says it or not, somebody is bound to say it… and I’m just talkin’ ’bout Shaft.
So here is the point to all this: We’re taking requests. Ground rules. There will be no Chicken Dancing so don’t even try it. There will be the Electric Slide, so no need to worry. Apparently from what I understand, Natalie’s family carries a CD with the Electric Slide on it in the event a wedding breaks out. I have vetoed anything with the words “Soulja” and “Boy” in the same title. If anyone Supermans anything it’ll be done by two consenting adults in private. Leave a comment of something you would like played and most importantly, leave your name. If you somehow stumbled across this blog and neither of us have ever met you and you want us to play Ozzy Osbourne’s “Crazy Train” you can stop right now.
Even I have limits.
8 comments
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January 7, 2009 at 1:45 am
Tony
Aww, no Ozzy? Damn…
January 10, 2009 at 8:31 am
adrienne
I’m assuming you’re going for family friendly, although I was under the impression there would be no children…
I like Janet. Miss jackson if you’re nasty! I would also like to hear Estelle’s “American Boy”. it’s clean and just so fun. She’s already told me there will be no “nasty girl”, but I’m hoping prince will make an appearance. nothing lewd. perhaps kiss or raspberry beret. I also love little red corvette, but my favorite line, “girrrrrl got an ass like I never seeeeen!” might not be appropriate. oh oh!! “I would die for you,” I love that song! I guess it could be a couples song. Gladys Knight (+ her pimps) “On and on”. I know my mom likes “shaky ground” by the temptations. And of course there’s flo rida, but that’s up to you and the mrs…
January 10, 2009 at 9:13 am
Juice
Here are a few for consideration….
Paula Abdul “Opposites Attract”
Devo “Whip it”
The Pointer Sisters “Neutron Dance”
Eurythmics “Sweat Dreams”
“Low Rider” by War
Kylie Minogue “The Loco-Motion”
Kenny Loggins “Footloose”
Bruce Springsteen “Glory Days”
Jerry Lee Lewis “Great Balls of Fire
Barry Manilow “Copacabana”
Sir Mix A Lot “Baby Got Back”
Three Dog Night “An Old Fashioned Love Song”
The Notorious BIG “Hypnotize”
Bachman Turner Overture “Taking Care of Business”
Don Henley “All She Wants to do is Dance”
Chuck Berry “Johnny Be Goode”
Queen “Bohemian Rhapsody”
January 12, 2009 at 7:31 pm
Tony
If you’re talking songs that will get and keep people on the dance floor, Euro’s going to be able to handle that, no problem- some examples:
Usher – Yeah
Flo Rida – Low
Akon – I’m So Paid
Lupe Fiasco – Superstar
Kevin Rudolf – Let It Rock
Young Jeezy – Put On
T.I. feat. Rihanna – Live Your Life
T.I. – Whatever You Like
Kanye West – Gold Digger, Stronger
DJ Khaled – Out Here Grindin’
Also, depending on the crowd, sometimes 80′s stuff(like Don’t Stop Believing by Journey) or even Neil Diamond(Sweet Caroline) could work too.
-T
January 13, 2009 at 11:33 am
Brizzleby
Maxwellford? was that her idea or yours? regardless, good idea, you know how she can be.
well since we all know that I am a classic rock girl i like queen, i know i won’t be lucky enough to hear some zepplin but queen is good enough for me. i like jack and diane. I too would like to hear some prince, maybe “diamonds and pearls”…perhaps…throw in a little bit of “dance magic” maybe some bowie…ch-ch-ch-ch-changes. all stuff that nat knows and can belt the improper lyrics to if she so desires. Aside from trying to save the world its her next favorite thing to do.
Everyone loves T.I. especially natalie…the key is finding a song where no one can really understand what he’s saying and all you can understand is the clean but subtle chorus.
something good. something fun. something that you can get up and dance to. she likes to imitate britney spears…but then again who doesn’t.
you can never go wrong with motown.
you should play rick astley.
Tell nat to pick things that can entertain the maxwell girls and could possibly cause an interpretive and spontaneously choreographed dance scene between the three of us. Thats always entertaining for those on the outside looking in.
January 28, 2009 at 12:58 am
Amanda Glanzer
Whoever Juice is, they’re genius. Assuming that it’s not THE “Juice…” You know, the one in prison now? Not so genius there. ANYway, we all know that the Glanzers have to have “Tiny Glanzer” played, but most people think that Elton John is singing Tiny Dancer. We know better. Journey & Neil Diamond are also the bestest! Who doesn’t love singing “BUM-BUM-BUM!” to Sweet Caroline?
) And Rick Astley, even if it was a joke, rules.
And I love that Natalie relates music to commercials, TV, and movies… My kinda girl!!!!!
January 29, 2009 at 1:50 am
Lisette
Hello everyone. so i just booked my flight for Nat and James wedding! whoopee! Want to put a posting that I’m looking for someone to share a hotel room – save on some costs. Of course not share a bed…hahah.
I’ll be staying Friday & Sat. night.
Let me know.
April 8, 2009 at 7:29 am
debbie
my top 5 favorite songs to dance to (if there is still time to request):
groove is in the heart – deee-lite
poison – bel biv devoe (obv)
laid – james
common people – pulp
anything erasure
also, i really love soul, like stax old school soul music
good luck, kiddos and see you next week!!